The F*** Off offer

Every so often, I venture outside the friendly confines of North Texas. I take a case, usually against my better judgment, in a jurisdiction I would not generally stop in if I was driving through on my way to someplace better. Recently, I did just that.

When I did this time, I found out exactly what it is like to be a "Dallas lawyer." You see, here in Fort Worth, we pride ourselves on being what Dallas is not. More well-mannered. Better dressed. And not as uptight or self-involved. (Although the similarities between this author and Dallas lawyers appears to be more profound the more I write.) But, I digress.

So, the other day, I went to the first docket appearance for my new out-of-county case. Let me first say that I was the only attorney in court with a suit, shirt and tie on. Granted, there were some attorneys with at least one of the afore-mentioned articles of clothing, but none with all three. Not a problem for me.

The courtroom smelled of a strange combination of wood oil, wet carpet, and fertilizer. Natural fertilizer. The lights were seemingly dimly-lit, in an almost subtle attempt to cause all court attendees to fall asleep. The courtroom was decorated with the portraits of the judges of the past. All four of them. None of them looked younger than 80.

As I entered the courtroom, I knew I was in trouble. The bailiff was almost in disbelief that I was a lawyer. He wouldn't let me "cross the bar." Once that was resolved, I was able to meet with the assistant District Attorney to discuss the case.

No one would return my call for the last two weeks as I attempted to find out what was going on with the case and what the initial offer might be. This particular jurisdiction is not quite as technologically advanced as we are here in Tarrant County, so the whole idea of open files and digital copies of police reports is kind of out of the window here.

As I approached the prosecutor, I assumed I would be told the basics of the state's case and their offer. I guess I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that I could take a look at the file and see the state's case. Apparently, this was a mistake on my part.

After I introduced myself, the prosecutor literally looked me from head to toe and immediately turned around and spoke to her assistant. It was mumbled prosecutor speak. I couldn't understand it. Never can.

The prosecutor was handed the file, but she opened it up, pulled a blue sheet of paper out, and wadded it up. She looked at me and said the offer was twenty years. It's a second a degree felony. The statutory maximum is twenty years. Um....ok. Thanks for playing our game. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.

I tried to not show the complete shock on my face. Despite my many years of poker playing, I'm pretty sure I might have had a tell there.

So there I was, in the middle of truck stop America getting the F*** Off Offer. God bless America. Now I know what it feels like to be a Dallas lawyer.

Comments

[Bad Court Thingy]

You must have been in my neck of the woods. My best F off offer was 9 years on some rinky dink 3rd degree. And the DA was serious. No one wonder they've got such a huge backlog.

[Glen R. Graham]

It helps to contact the local lawyers and ask this about the prosecutor, judge, and defendant. Sometimes, there are some hidden facts unknown to the big city lawyers. Sometimes, it is just their policy to make unreasonable recommendations. A case here in Tulsa, got a recommendation for 20 years in prison because the defendant had 4 priors. He was charged with domestic assault & battery by strangulation, 1st degree burglary, etc. Ex-wife was a drama queen, jury didn't believe her. He was looking at about 20 years to life if convicted. Jury found him not guilty of felonies and guilty of misdemeanor breaking and entering. He got one year. Useful arguments included "pros. is attempting to convict def. based upon his character - villify, villfy, villify - rather than the content of the evidence." So, they say def. is a buffoon. But, did he do the crime? A guy brags to his friends about stabbing a bear with a pencil and his friends in disbelief ask where's your evidence --- hold's up a pencil --- and say's see ! Just because they show you a pencil is not sufficient credible evidence to convict. They have the resources to send a guy to prison for 20 years but not the resources to tape record the interview or do DNA or take adequate pictures.
Yours in the Defense of Fellow Human Beings,
Glen R. Graham, Attorney at Law, Tulsa, Oklahoma