And the other shoe drops

Defense attorneys don't like prosecutors.  Prosecutors don't like defense attorneys.  Water is wet and the sky is blue.  What's new?

I recently allowed an anonymous prosecutor (no, I'm not saying who it is, ever.) to post the Top Ten Things Prosecutors Hate About Defense Attorneys.  In it, my helpful prosecutor discussed the things prosecutors, or at least this one, dislikes about defense attorneys.  It has created quite a stir.

First let me say that I hope to do a Top Ten list of the things defense attorneys dislike about prosecutors at some point.  But just not today.  Instead, I thought I would point everyone to a little something called the Texas District and County Attorneys Association Community.  This is a nice little online community posting board allowing prosecutors from around the state to comment on various subjects.  This blog is a subject.  I'm flattered.  I'm blushing now.

So it seems some of our steadfast Texas prosecutors have taken it upon themselves to post additional complaints about defense attorneys.  I felt, as always, compelled to relay these serious concerns of the government employees.  Because as is my nature, I can't shut up (just ask my wife) I thought I would add a little running commentary to the complaints.  They're in red. 

And without further delay, here are the additional complaints found in the largest complaint box of the largest group of government workers.  At least of which I know.  But again, what the hell do I know?

11. Don't show me photos of the defendant's kids. He had those kids when he committed the crime and he didn't think about them then.  Fair point.  Sounds like a rookie tactic.   But then again, defendants are people, too.   They have kids.  Since we talk about the alleged victim's kids, it seems only fair to discuss the defendant's kids as well.  You are looking for justice, right?

12. Don't bring me a letter from the defendant's pastor. Out-on-bond conversions mean about as much as a jailhouse conversion.  Seems pessimistic.  Almost narrow-minded.  Might want to go to Sunday School more.

13. Don't bring me a letter from the defendant's grandma. Really.  Fair enough.  But who doesn't like grandma?

14. Don't think it will work to engage in a philosophical debate about the goals of the criminal justice system. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one.  Probably posted by someone who, within the next five years, will be practicing as a defense attorney with a nice yellow page ad flaunting being a "Former Prosecutor."

15. (This probably falls under #10 of "Rudeness") Don't make an appointment for 1:30 and then breeze in at 2:30 without calling.  Common courtesy.  Kind of goes both ways though.  Don't tell me the tape or photos will be will be ready by a certain time only for me to find out from your assistant they aren't.  

16. Strive to make an appointment with me, instead of "just dropping in" and expecting me to provide discovery and discuss the case for several hours.  No problem there.  Again, common courtesy should rule.

17. Try to not respond with every plea offer I make with the phrase "How about 12.44"? It should be evident that if my offer bottom line is 45 years TDC on a child molester that I will not be considering 12.44.  Generally, I would be okay with this one.  But considering how many prosecutors make the statement "I'm open to other offers, but I'm not going to negotiate with myself" it seems a little naive.

18. Do not tell me that I should agree to a reduced bond or fine because of all the money the defendant had to pay you.  Nah, that $10 million bond set by the local yokel municipal judge seems appropriate.  I mean it is a State Jail Felony!

18a. Please also do not tell me that if your client bonds out he will use much of your fee money for a bond, and thus you need a massive reduction or a PR bond, particularly on a violent criminal.

Greg's Agg Sexual Assault of a Child case Rule: Please don't tell me the 5-12 year old victim is a hussy and a slut and that the victim was asking for it. It actually goes over worse with me than it would with a jury, and you know you'd never say those things in front of 12 good and decent people.  Speaks to a fundamental difference between defense attorneys and prosecutors that I feel obligated to post about later.  

19. Never start a plea negotiation by telling me what they always do in some other county.  And I'm arrogant?  We can all learn something from someone else, right?

20. Never tell me how to do my job based on your experience as a prosecutor.  Believe me, you don't have to worry about that from me.

21. Know and understand the law of parties and how it applies to your client's situation.  Hello pot.  I'm kettle.

22. When telling me what your client will plead to, please do not preface that with a reference to your client's cadre of jailhouse lawyers and how they are telling him to threaten a greivance against you. I won't feel sorry for you because there are plenty of prosecutor jobs out there if you don't like being a defense attorney.  I'd rather kick my own ass.

23. Do not take my exhibits during trial. You had plenty of time to make your own copy of the photographs. If you want to admit something into evidence, admit your own stuff.  Wah!!  You don't want me to play with all the stuff you admit during trial to use to my benefit, you should think about that before you put it into evidence.  Boo hoo.  Oh, I feel so sorry for you!  Grow up.

24. If you need a reset because your client hasn't fully paid his fee, just say so. Don't make up lies and excuses.  Again, lying is bad.

25. If you have proof that the defendant is innocent, provide it early in the process. Medical records. An alibi. Bank records. Whatever. Prosecutors exonerate more people than any Innocence Project has ever touched. We do so through dismissals, no bills and downgraded charges.  I think this falls under Bennett's Nasty Little Surprise doctrine.  But I'm reasonably certain allowing an innocent defendant to plead to a lesser charge is not exonerating him.  Maybe that word doesn't mean to you what it means to me.  Or Webster.

Enjoy.

Comments

[shg]

Shawn, you need to hang out with a better class of prosecutor. And lose the Range Rover too. It's a cop magnet.

[Mark Bennett]

Excellent find, Shawn.

Lots of prosecutors' complaints seem to be learned-in-kindergarten kind of things. Don't lie or cheat, be courteous and on time.

I especially like "Jeromie's" #23. I love making "the government's" exhibits my own and offering them into evidence before they do, and will make a special point of doing so in Pampa.

I do my best to own "their" witnesses, too. Want to whine about that, "Jeromie"?

[Health News]

I can't believe how much of this I just wasn't aware of. Thank you for bringing more information to this topic for me. I'm truly grateful and really impressed.