So you want to be a lawyer?

You think you want to be a lawyer, huh?  You don't.  Trust me.  I say that as someone that not only is a lawyer, but someone who hates lawyers.  Do something else.

Let me guess.  You want to be a lawyer because you don't like math class, but you don't want to be a teacher, and you haven't figured out there are other things to do with your Bachelor of Arts degree?  

Or maybe you want to go to grad school, but why waste time and money going for a business degree when you're just going to be in the mailroom to begin with anyway, right?  I mean, you're too smart for that.

Of course there is always the classic reason.  You like to argue.  Your momma/ daddy/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ P.E. teacher/ priest all say you're really good at arguing.  So is my ex-wife.  She's no lawyer.

The truth is you want to be a lawyer because it looks cool on TV and you think you can make a lot of money.  Well, you're right.  It does look good on TV and you can make a lot of money.

Of course, let's consider this for a second.  Let's look at what looks good on TV.  Lawyers do.  Doctors do.  Naval Criminal Investigative Service Agents do.  Professional lie detector guys do.  Strippers do.  Mafia bosses do.  A guy from another planet who has super powers and wears a red cape does except when he's around that strange green rock.  You get the picture.  

The truth is if you base your career on what looks good on TV, you're either too stupid or too smart to be a lawyer.  You figure out which it is.

So you think you can make a lot of money?  Yes.  Or, no.  You see a lot is relative and it also depends on what you lose to get it.  Some people only lose time to gain money.  You spend eight hours completely screwing up my order at Burger King, you still gain about $50 bucks that day.  You spend 2500 billable hours of your life in a year as a lawyer, maybe you lose more, and maybe your gain something.

If money is what you're seeking, no amount of money will gain you what you really want.  I can't begin to tell you what you want, but I can tell you that you won't find it in your paycheck.  

There are those that do this for the love and those that do it for the money.  Which do you want to be?  There are also various ways in which you can accomplish your goals in this lofty little notion we call "the law."  What will you choose?

Gone are the days of Atticus Finch.  The general practitioner is laughed at nowadays.  He doesn't have the skill to handle this case or that case because he doesn't spend every waking hour learning the intricacies of this area of law.  

So you have to pick the exact kind of law you think you want to practice.  Which shall it be, my lady?  Civil litigation?  Family?  Wills and Estates?  Criminal?  Something more specialized?  They all have their costs and they all have their benefits.

May I offer a modicum of advice?  If you do anything, don't practice Family law.  Never on the landscape of this planet has there existed a more foul stench than that of the divorce attorney.  There is a special place in hell for Family Law attorneys.  

People always complain about criminal defense attorneys, and rightfully so (after all, we suck), but at least we have the scratchy blanket of the constitution to pretend to wrap ourselves in.  Family law attorneys don't.  They don't even pretend to.  From carcass to carcass they go, tirelessly looking for that last ounce of blood to suck.

Criminal defense attorneys are generally about ego.  We fight the government.  It's what we do.  Usually we lose, but sometimes we win, and when we do, we usually look good doing it.  But maybe that's just me.

As for civil attorneys, well, they are strange.  It's all about the billable hour.  They rarely set foot in the courtroom and when they do, they try cases with questions to which they already know the answer.  It's as exciting as watching a TiVo'ed episode of L.A. Law.  For the eighteenth time.  And on top of that, none of them are really that bright.

Don't get me wrong.  You have to be relatively intelligent to be a lawyer.  And the better ones are smarter than the others.  But strike up a conversation with a lawyer that doesn't want to talk about himself, and I'll show you someone who made a bad career choice.

You say you want to be a lawyer?  I ask why.  The years of studying, they never end.  The stress of school continues into practice.  And oh by the way?  You're never as smart as you think you are.  Take it from the kid who grew up knowing he was always going to be a lawyer.

But what the hell do I know?

Comments

[P kirkland]

Funny! Yet so true! Hope you have a super day

[mzchief]

Soooo very true, every last word. However, when have you ever run across a divorce attorney who was satisfied with just the last ounce of blood? The Family Law attorneys I know are not even sated with a pound of flesh and a pint of blood, they feel entitled to demand the right to suck the marrow from the bones of their victims. My spouse nor I have ever been divorced so this knowledge comes to me directly from the mouths of several scavengers and the husks of humans left in their wake.

[Jeff Kramer]

You forgot to mention the six figures of debt in an way overpopulated profession. Great post.

[Joe]

Thank you! I'm glad someone finally addressed the reasons so many people go to law school when they clearly should not.

[bryan simmons]

The Family Law bar also pushes specialization like a crack dealer slings rock. They really drink the specialization kool-aid. I practice in a rural county in east Texas so circumstances dictate that I do these damnable divorces and modifications from time to time. My partner and I just did 2 murder trials back to back (September & October). I was in court for a family law matter a few days later and one of the local family law gurus seemed to take umbrage at a criminal defense lawyer playing in her playground. They're like a cult.

About the subject of your post, I couldn't agree more. I disappoint advice seekers all the time when I tell them to go to dental school so they'll have a happy life. Which is ironic, because I hate dentists the way others hate criminal defense lawyers.

[Disability Insurance]

Very interesting article, thanks for sharing. I think the traditional reason that many people become attorney's is that they think that they will enjoy the profession. I hope that most students realize what they are getting themselves into. Being a lawyer takes an extremely dedicated and driven person.

[EdinMiami]

I'm doing it for the chicks!!

[Yeoman]

I wish I hadn't become a lawyer, as does nearly every decent lawyer I know. There is absolutely no good reason to become a lawyer. The only reason to remain one is that, after 20 years, it's almost impossible to get out.

[invertir forex]

Hi, Very interesting article, thanks for sharing.

[New York divorce lawyer]

There are several ways a divorce lawyer can help you through the process. A lawyer will help you affected by the negotiation of property and other assets. Assets between the parties must be dispatched after a marriage in a way that is fair to both parties, unless of course there are documents as a marriage contract that clearly specifies what and how much each partner will leave the marriage. A divorce lawyer willing to spend time with you and discuss your concerns and wishes.

[Generic Viagra]

I wouldn't like to be lawyer by the simple reason they have to study too much. Also there are a lot of them around all the country, and obviously around all the world. Another negative point is the fact that everybody hates them, by the simple reason, they are considerate like "the crouching offenders".

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[Loser]

I'm on the LPC in order to get a post-graduate diploma so I can become a solicitor - what a nightmare! Wish i had never started it! Loved the article though :D

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I don't like lawyers because they have to transform reality in the benefic of their client, maybe it isn't a lie but it can be. It depends of the point of view.

[Erika Awakening]

As someone who just quit being a lawyer to be a full-time blogger, life coach, and motivational speaker, I echo your sentiments. Wow are there a lot of unhappy lawyers. What ultimately wore on me the most though was the "adversarial" system. What got me out of law is that I started learning what's called "non-violent communication" and learned it's possible to resolve conflicts in a five minute conversation rather than requiring several years and boxes of paper. Let's hope some people listen ... :)

[asbury park auto glass]

Im still hoping for the best. I wish i could hear some good news in the near future.

[Ben]

I love representing someone. It is a major rush. So is court. You get to wade your way through a minefield that your client would get blown up in (and maybe they do anyway, but at least they got a decent shot).

I love legal research. It is fun to find out all the possibilities, and track the down.

I love civil rights work. You can get mad about something, and fight for it, and feel like you have something to wake in the morning for.

But being a lawyer? Sometimes the office is about as interesting as a catfish in a tank. Enjoy the bubbles. And everyone is so stressed, or weird (except the secretaries, they're cool).

The hardest part is that people take themselves to seriously. This isn't about eternal souls. It's not learning how to love unconditionally. It might be a lot of money on the line. It might be even lives on the line. But it is ONLY money, and life, and death. It is hard to make being a lawyer a spiritual calling. I don't know if its possible.

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[auto insurance quotes]

So my Brother is in Texas practicing with HP in their HR department... and I have a couple of friends who are getting their law degrees right now.

[Guy Chambliss]

I usually hear kids saying that they want to be a lawyer when they grow up so they can protect the innocent. Lawyers have the responsibility of protecting the credibility of their client and upholding justice at all times, and that's what makes them role models for children.

[Mike Clark]

My nephew wants to be a lawyer, and he has already shown some of the signs of an excellent lawyer: he's very good at reasoning and he hates math, LOL. Thank you for that advice. He's about to go to college, and he insists on taking up law. Well, in any case, he has my full support whatever career path he undertakes.