Defense attorneys don't like prosecutors. Prosecutors don't like defense attorneys. Water is wet and the sky is blue. What's new?
12. Don't bring me a letter from the defendant's pastor. Out-on-bond conversions mean about as much as a jailhouse conversion. Seems pessimistic. Almost narrow-minded. Might want to go to Sunday School more.
13. Don't bring me a letter from the defendant's grandma. Really. Fair enough. But who doesn't like grandma?
14. Don't think it will work to engage in a philosophical debate about the goals of the criminal justice system. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Probably posted by someone who, within the next five years, will be practicing as a defense attorney with a nice yellow page ad flaunting being a "Former Prosecutor."
15. (This probably falls under #10 of "Rudeness") Don't make an appointment for 1:30 and then breeze in at 2:30 without calling. Common courtesy. Kind of goes both ways though. Don't tell me the tape or photos will be will be ready by a certain time only for me to find out from your assistant they aren't.
17. Try to not respond with every plea offer I make with the phrase "How about 12.44"? It should be evident that if my offer bottom line is 45 years TDC on a child molester that I will not be considering 12.44. Generally, I would be okay with this one. But considering how many prosecutors make the statement "I'm open to other offers, but I'm not going to negotiate with myself" it seems a little naive.
Greg's Agg Sexual Assault of a Child case Rule: Please don't tell me the 5-12 year old victim is a hussy and a slut and that the victim was asking for it. It actually goes over worse with me than it would with a jury, and you know you'd never say those things in front of 12 good and decent people. Speaks to a fundamental difference between defense attorneys and prosecutors that I feel obligated to post about later.
19. Never start a plea negotiation by telling me what they always do in some other county. And I'm arrogant? We can all learn something from someone else, right?
20. Never tell me how to do my job based on your experience as a prosecutor. Believe me, you don't have to worry about that from me.
22. When telling me what your client will plead to, please do not preface that with a reference to your client's cadre of jailhouse lawyers and how they are telling him to threaten a greivance against you. I won't feel sorry for you because there are plenty of prosecutor jobs out there if you don't like being a defense attorney. I'd rather kick my own ass.
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